Forty Rules of KEMU

By Larabe Farrukh, 2nd Year.

'Watch where you're going!' 'hey, you just stepped on my foot' 'stop pushing,please' 'Why is everyone studying, is there a test that I not know of?' 'This is so depressing' 'I can't do this' 'What am i even doing here?'

This is how it all started, a little something from my primitive days as a Kemcolian, from being shoved in the lecture theaters to having faced the never ending episodes of depression. I've been through it all. As miserable as it sounds, KE is not all books and tears, as the common notion holds. So now I am going to tell you a little something about King Edward, things that I've learned about it so far, things you may not know yet,things you could actually relate to.

1. Kemcolians, well, they love pushing their way through the crowd in the theatres, the labs, the buses, even the toilets. Just name it and they'll come tearing their way through.

2. Kemcolian girls are not ugly. Well ,they're aren't their prettiest either during the routine days, but just wait for them to get all fancy for an event, because seeing is believing.

3. There is a mysterious janitor, who awkwardly resembles 'altu' from son pari, his never ending muftas for 'chaye' will only drain your wallets. Better change the course next time you see him.

4. Most of you would've fallen for an old lady saying ' paisay de dou beta,dawai leni hai beta', well, she comes to university more often than you do, change your course again.

5. Never ask two people to call your proxy at the same time, you wouldn't want to get your friends in double trouble.

6. Histo slides are not meant for you to see, not until the night of the prof. Need not sweat on that.

7. Kemcolian boys, well, they get better with the years, trust me. It's okay to accept their friend requests, they're human too.

8. Better not eat that biryani from piccadilly, unless you have a strong stomach.

9. The long haired PG you see everyday outside piccadilly, he's been there for years unidentified, no one knows of his whereabouts.

10. Whenever you walk past zero point, and you strongly feel being stared at, take a deep breathe and walk on. Those parasites are incurable.

11. It's okay to fail. Honestly, nobody cares.

12. Even the 'laik tareen' students of your class are going to fail once in a while and it's okay to make yourself feel better when they do.

13. Your passing the substage has nothing to do with your prep, it's all about your examiner, better pray than study the night before.

14. Having 95% attendence will not earn you a medal. Easy there.

15. Do not miss the events, unless it's something related to medical and/or awareness, you could totally miss those.

16. Your Seniors are like your gurus, make sure you keep them happy. They're the key to your passing the profs.

17. Call everyone bhai and baji, unless they ask you to do otherwise. Also,if some guy is bothering you, call him 'bhaiya', he won't show up the next day.

18. We have a squash club, a horse riding club, and a tennis club here at KE, incase you didn't know.

19. The whole class will stare daggers at you if you're late for a lecture, keep walking.

20. Kemcolians are very talented, but they prefer showing it off only on the walls and the desks.

21. Better run to a senior before any test or substage, 'guru ka ashirwad' is a must.

22. The person who took your photograph on theme day or any day, as a matter of fact,is not going to hand it to you, don't even bother asking for them.

23. 'Yaar kuch nae parha'. Most common lie.

24. 'Yaar kitna parh liya tune?' FAQ. Better ignore it and talk about the weather instead.

25. Patiala is everywhere. Literally. Lets not even get started on that one.

26. That store room you call a library is not a library, it's a museum, we've got the 90's rarest version of every book.

27. The password is ' kemcaana wifi' where ever you go.

28. 'Survival of the fittest' Darwinism at it's best. Learn to adapt if you don't want to go all bonkers by the end.

29. If you know the answers to sir shakeel's questions, you would not be here wasting your time reading this.

30. If you've passed ma'am nadia's viva, you deserve a medal. If you've failed, you deserve a medal.

31. There is no such thing as 'pehlay dow saal mushkil hain, agay bohat asaan hai'.

32. Societies are good, but never let the politics get under your skin. Be passionate about what you do, and do it for yourself.

33. Symposiums have free roti.

34. Studying is not haram, but showing off what you've studied is.

35. Kemcolians master at the art of stalking. Freshies, take it easy while you stalk all them pyaray bhais and bajis, they're all out of your league.

36. Its better to crush all your hopes than crushing on a senior.

37. Jibran is the don of KE's underworld, never take him for 'just another attendant'

38. If you miraculously score good in something, hide before the 'rotti' people find you. They're always on the watch.

39. 'Yaar meine tou agha khan jana tha' if you get to hear this one, you've come across another whiny burger.

40.Take pride in being a Kemcolian,but learn to honour this name.Be kind and be helpful. Respect all differences. More importantly seize the beauty of these days. You're going to remember them your whole lives. Lastly, live and let live.