Survival tactics for a gorra. The complete guideline.

By Larabe Farrukh in collaboration with Abrar Ali 


King Edward Medical University, the home to diversity, where you find people of every caste, creed and colour. A place where you would find people from every corner of Pakistan. But that's not just about it, King Edward also homes students from every corner of the world, from Sydney (Australia) to Northampton ( United Kingdom), from Shanghai (China) to Amman ( Jordan), we have them all here at KE. No matter how many times you deny it but once in a while we've all been whispering like:

" Woh dekho humari class mein gorra/gorri!"

" Cheeni! Cheeni! "

Trust me we've all been there, curious about these shiny new toys, with their distinct complexions and alien accents. We've all been wanting to know more about them, hence stroming them with never ending questions like 

"Tum yahan kyun aye?"

"Tumharay ' mama papa' kahan hotay hain?" in our personal version of angrezi. 

You would always find these students given a celebrity treatment by both the teachers and the students, most of them getting starstruck by their mere presence. But did anyone ever pay attention to what may be going on in the minds of these foreigners during these episodes? What they personally think of our flooding hospitality and burning curiosity? 

Truth be spoken! You would all be taken by surprise yet amused when you'll get to know their side of the story, how they've managed to cope up with the desi-ness of the students/teachers here at King Edward and how they've finally learned to accept this as a part of themselves.

While interviewing these "farangi/gorray" at KE, we got to know of some hilarious experiences, a list of do's and don'ts, and some actually witty comebacks that they've learned so far.Enjoy!

THE ULTIMATE DO's and DON'T ( only applicable if you're a gora)

• Remember, that your accent is your greatest power, do not forget to use it during your viva, you will not only impress your examiner ( regardless of what you say, with an accent like that you're invincible) but it will also  help you pass with flying unicorns.

• Cheating is considered as a norm, so it is actually okay to stray a bit sometimes, everyone's doing it!
• Never eat from KEMU "fruit chaat wala" , I repeat NEVER.
• If the teacher makes you stand in the class, have no fear, use your 'foreign' super powers to flabbergast them!
• Do pretty much whatever you want, in case you get caught "I am foreign!"
• Do not sit next to a girl in the bus (if you're a guy) ,unless you want to ruin the rest of your days.

• You would get to hear people calling you names that do not make any sense like "shokha", "cheeni" "farangi pappu" some rather unmentionable.
• Do not speak out loud a word you do not know the meaning of in urdu/punjabi, chances are that your friends are trying to get you seriously embarrassed.
• It is not okay to add girls from your class on facebook, somehow they are all your "shishters"
• Never, I repeat never wear shorts to the university, or else you will be scarred for life.
• If you don't know the answers to a viva question, pretend that you don't understand Urdu (works every time).
• You are incapable of verbally marking someone else's proxy, you can not get away with that accent of yours.
• Not sure what sir Shakeel is going on about? Don't worry it's all in Mushtaq.
• Carrying an umbrella in the university if you're a guy,is totally fine.
• Never ask for notes from a kemcolian girl, make sure you never get seen anywhere near a kemcolian girl.
• When your friend warns you that it's spicy, do not eat or else you'll end up as red as a beetroot. Don't embarrass yourself.
• Do not wear shalwar kameez if you don't know how to do the "naara".
• Do not walk into those public toilets,you'll come out stinking worse than a skunk.Also make sure that there is water before you go to any toilet. 
• It is okay to bargain  with a "thailay wala" but it's not okay to bargain at Hyperstar.
• Want to make someone smile? Use that adorable "tooti phooti" urdu, works every time.
• When in doubt, just BHANGRAA!

THE WTH facts 

• Driving without a license is a custom.
• A 9 year old driving a motorcycle is okay, don't panic.
• Using your mouth to fill the pipette with conc. HCL in biochemistry experiments is okay.
• Eating shawarma right after dissection is okay, extra proteins!
• Everyone is constantly giving money to an anatomy attendant calling you "payen" for no obvious reason.
• Having orange hair and an orange beard is okay.
• Spitting Pan on someone's car  is okay.
• Drawing margin lines on your exam sheet is somehow more important than the exam itself.
• Writing 20 pages of gibberish = pass  but writing 2 pages of actual knowledge = fail
• There are no morals as long as you're doing it, while it is unethical if someone else is.
• Everything needs chilli garlic sauce.
• Pakistanis are never on time, their internal clocks are distorted, 2 mins = 10 mins, 10 mins = 30 mins and 30 mins = 2 hours

• Complimenting a girl means that your shadi is due very soon according to your friends.
• Do not send your female classfellows this " <3" , the whole class would be talking about you the next day and you'll be the culprit.

• Forman Christian College is not just for Christians.
• The price will be doubled if the shop keeper knows that you're angraiz, better take a friend with you.

HOW THEY SEE IT

While giving my anatomy viva 

 Teacher :"Where are you from?"

                "What does your father do?"

                " My nieces, cousins, sister and chacha lives in Northampton, do you know them?"

 Me : *pokerface*

"Pakistani shadis have changed my life!"

"I got beaten up once for calling a guy "disco maulvi" 

On my first day at the KE, while talking to the person next to me.

Foreign student : Aap konsay year mein hain?

Student :  Final Year

Foreign student: Mein bhe final year mein hun, apko pehlay nahe dekha kabhi.

Student : Abhe paeds ka written de kar a raha hun, apka kaisa hua?

Foreign student : Bohat acha!

Student : *worries about his exam*

While buying books at Zubair with my friend

Foreign student: Hurry  up you *****!

Zubair : You think I know not English,I am not a "terminator machine"!

Foreign student : *poker face*

" I used to get  stared a lot in the wards for being Chinese. It used to bother me a lot, but now I find it kind of amusing."

"I didn't get ragged by the seniors because they didn't know I could speak Urdu, and they didn't have any idea as to in which language they could rag me."

"Kemcolians are very friendly and hospitable, so I did not find it hard to adjust, because they are almost always there to help you out"