Ten things I *hate* about Kemcolians...

Disclaimer: The writer loves her alma matter and its people very much, that's why she wrote this blog first... Ten things I love about Kemcolians.. It's all written in good fun !

Ten things I *hate* about Kemcolians...

by Sidrah Latif

And ten things that I hate (as if my hating will create any difference to the perpetrators of these grievous crimes but let me shoot away. Something about speaking in the face of adversary, I am *sniff* so brave! *Bawls*)

1. 1-Asking question in question-not-allowed time on a no-question zone: Kemcolians will ask questions, and let me tell you the lamest of all which will make you want to bang your head against the coconut tree in your blue lagoon reverie you had conjured during lecture. And they will ask in a no-question zone i.e. lecture theatre, in a strictly-question-not-allowed-time i.e. the end of a lecture which was valium natured in putting you to effective sleep. They dare because they are stupid. Ever seen the lecturer turning purple when you ask your question? I hate you you question asking stupid wannabe nerd!

2.2- Efficiency-yaar mere mein to inteha hai efficiency ki! I hate those who:

When the notification have been given that wards are off after 10:15 go to their wards to ask them that will there be a class. Ward walas: Oh no you nincompoop there won’t be a class because there is a notification, but since you are here so says aloud “baita hum to idhar class lene hi baithay hain, ap aa jaen class kr lete hain!”

Attended ward, attendance marked, others absent, make all these schnooks stand in a line GOTTA TRY MY NEW PLUTONIUM ENRICHED BOMB ON THEM!

 

3. 3- AC freaks: Y U NO SEEN AN AC IN YOUR LIFE? Why the Kemcolians have to behave as if they have never seen an AC in their life and the only chance they will ever get of knowing an AC upclose will be in the lecture theatre? The way you push, pull, scream, trample toes, pinch arms and poke eyes, it belies the lack of AC-ification in your homes, nothing else.

4. 4-Khaba khappay! Whenever Kemcolians are around, Khaba Khapay! Enough said.

5. 5- Liar! Liar! Pants on fire! Will tell you have not studied a word before the test and/or exam. What were you doing? Teaching zulu tribes how to be ballerinas? Idiots.

"Dude! I didn't study a word !!"

6. 6-Fraternizing with the opposite sex: What is the science behind two boys and six girls sitting together on zero-point. “Because we are the coolest girls, and these two boys are the cutest ones in our class so we allow them to stand infront of us Majestys.” What is the science behind a boy and a girl sitting in patiala ground making sketch books together. Does it help make more colourful strokes out or gives more inspiration? “No we just have to show to our seniors that we are cool kids who sit together unlike them.” Sonnies, this is not your kamal, good for you Sir Akram and Maam Attiya no more here at KE.

7. 7- “I am very photogenic so I should be in every group photo!” What is a girl who has never lifted any weights doing in the group photo of body-building club? “I have been lifting Bailey in one hand and Davidson in other.” What is a boy who knows not how to speak doing in a Debating Society group photo? “I answered all my viva questions in this prof so I deserve to stand with the home of the fearless!” What is the person who does not know direct from indirect narration doing standing in Kels English group photo? “I am so photogenic that I impart beauty to these eggheads pic!”

Kemcolians' Body-building club...

8. 8- The hygiene experts: I hate those kemcolians who after doing dissection or examining patients, without washing hands will put their hands in your Lays wavy pack and get their undue share. Someone tell them that they have to straighten out the kinks in their sense of hygiene!

9. 9-The haw-hae-us-wali-cupboard-ki-to-maine-spotting-nai-ki group: To clarify this point, I will narrate an incident. Our stage of Thorax was here and everyone was busy doing spotting. There was this “girl” I won’t name, standing on a model and asked me what the particular structure was. I said Internal Thoracic Nerve shaid. She asked why? I said “jaga to woi wali lagti hai that’s why”. Now this girl wanted me to remain standing there because she was interested in a verbal match on is-it-or-is-it-not-INTERNAL THORACIC NERVE. I went in DH, spent half an hour talking around and blah-blah-ing. On my way out I happened to pass by the same cupboard, the same girl was there over the same model with Netter and Mc Minn’s open in her hand and said, “I think you were right, this is ITN!” Let me tell you they are the same group of people who cry “haw hae us wali cupboard ki to maine spotting ki hi nai!”. Yes moron you were busy deciding the identity of ITN that’s why!

10.10- The treat demanders: Kemcolians go berserk when you get something as remote as a nose prick.

“Awww you got a nose pin! TREAT!”

“You passed substage! TREAT!”

“You got 5 marks less than third in stage! TREAT!”

“You spoke in interclass declamation? TREAT!”

“You discovered your lost safety pin! TREAT!”

“Pigeon pooped on you! TREAT to banti hai yaawr!”

Yes I know what a hungry bunch of people you are, and I hate this about you lirterally!

Also read the part 1: Ten things I love about Kemcolians..