My Epic Tale

By Hassan Saed

Ragging Vs. Shawarma :D

              Most of you wouldn’t believe the story I am about to tell you, and believe me neither do I. But, nonetheless, it is true. So, I got admission in KEMU and was very pleased (naturally) but at the same time the thoughts of being the freshman there and being fooled and embarrassed haunted me.

There is a thing about Pakistanis, they exaggerate everything! Threats and horrid stories had started almost a month before I was actually going to enter the college. My father was a teacher at KEMU, and unlike one normally expects, he was the one with the most terrifying and pant-wettening ( Yes, I made that word up :P) stories. So, naturally I was scared; I mean who isn’t. Every night I would devise plans to act upon if I were caught by seniors. Plans like playing the cool dude B) , angry dude -_- , nonexistent man `-` and my favorite the “My father is a powerful man, I have connections, leave me alone, or else” guy. But all these plans were soon to be flushed in the gutter. Because soon I realized that when seniors stare you in the face and ask you to do embarrassing things, all the courage you mustered up while combing your hair in the morning goes straight from your heart to your sweat glands :P.

I finally entered the college, with all of the first year moving like a bee’s colony, trying to get into the centre of the mob and avoiding any peripheral contacts with our respected elders: P. The introductory seminar went great. On the way out and to the physiology department, I made a mistake. One should never walk with a very prominent person, one whose elder brother is in K.E, a board’s topper or one who no matter what happens always ends up in a petty situation. I, was walking with a person who had all of these qualities :P. The seniors pulled me onto the ground. So this was the moment, it was finally going to happen.

They made us form a line and wear our overalls “K.E Style “. But as soon as they were going to begin embarrassing us, an angel appeared. Clothed in white, with wings comparable to an eagle’s, a face brighter than the sun or at least that is how he appeared to me. I never got to know the benevolent angels name and neither did I see him in KEMU again. But he set us free and we were off to our next site of capture, the notorious (both for its fooling and ogling :P) zero point. Seniors looking more or less like the Undertaker started hunting us one by one. I decided to play the non-existent guy this time. It was working too. But soon I heard a voice say “oye enna nu te pharo”, and I started to run and tripped a little and caught everyone’s attention. I was caught once again, only to realize later that the voice that made me run wasn’t even meant for me :P Now it was time for more desperate measures. I decided to do the “I’m so gonna cry !_!” act. But they weren’t fooled, those heartless creatures :P. They asked me to join the line of students, I being a “shanna” went behind the line to pretend I was going to stand at the far end. I didn’t stop at the far end and went out of the ground and without looking back, straight towards Patiala :P. So after my second escape I went to Patiala and then to my bed (Yes you guessed it, I went home :P)

The next day, after asking my father about all the secret pathways and different (longer) routes, I avoided zero point and Patiala ground completely. It was Friday so I came home early, eager to tell everyone that I didn’t get caught. But I came down with fever on the very same day, the next day I vomited around 6 times, and then got diagnosed for “HEPATITIS A”. Somehow a Hepa A virus had found his way into my liver ( I am guessing it got there by a shawarma I ate for only 40 rupees :P). That ******* sucked every inch of life from me. I was bed ridden for almost 3 weeks.  Then I entered KE once again.

          Seniors ne hath hola krlia huwa tha :P The only year, fooling first year students, was the fourth year. But I had found a way around it too. It happened to me almost twice. Groups of boys would come upto me and try taking me. But I only said 3 words “ Second year yaar :P”. I used to say that with such an “I will kill you” attitude :P that they, rather than taking me, said sorry :P. Then after a week, fooling was completely non-existent. So, I didn’t get fooled by anyone but sadly at the same time couldn’t make many senior friends to guide me. Anyhow, those who had “knsa CR bn gae” :P

          So if anyone asks me how did I get by fooling? I would ask them to simple eat a “waqai bara shawarma” from any vendor that uses the same cloth to wipe plates which he uses to wipe his nose :P awww ganda :P Something interesting about shawarma stalls: They first read “Shawarma”, then “Bara Shawarma”, and  then “Waqai Bara Shawarma :P”, I mean what’s next “Allah di qasm bohat bara shawarma :P “ ? Final words “Eat a shawarma, and get by fooling :P”

NOTE: I did get ragged on my second day, but if I had told you that it wouldn’t be that interesting a story now would it :P

NOTE: I did get ragged on my second day, but if I had told you that it wouldn’t be that interesting a story now would it :P