My Laziness Triumphs All

by Konpal Mudassar

Here I am in a happy place, a place with unicorns flying in the sky, rainbows everywhere, waterfalls and free food for everyone. And I am the Queen. 

 But wait! What is that? A monster? To destroy my kingdom? Don’t worry, my people, your queen will protect you. I change my beautiful gown and put on my ninja costume. Boom! BOOM! Take that! I try to fight the monster but it is getting stronger. My kingdom is fading away and suddenly I wake up from my dreams. 

I discover that the monster was actually my roommate. The poor soul was only trying to wake me up for Lecture. God bless her, she is so kind that she doesn’t reveal two things:

First, how long she had been trying to wake me up.

Second, how she had endured a few violent swings of my arm directly on her face in trying to do so.

And here let me take a moment to say that my roommates deserve “The patience and endurance prize” for trying to wake me up in the morning everyday despite my verbal and physical abuse.

(Let’s just say that’s not really rainbows coming out of my mouth)

As, I make my way slowly to bathroom. I cannot describe my feelings. I feel like a person persecuted to a death-sentence. I don’t deserve this. I am too cute to die like this. L

But when I come back to the room. There is a complete 180 degree shift in my mood. “Do I have to get up?” phase is gone and now comes the much more dangerous, “I have no worry in the world phase”………I look at my roommates who are almost ready now and are all running around the room frantically.

And I laugh a little thinking, “What’s the hurry? Silly girls, there is a lot of time, these idiots worry too much”……and then, I waste 5 minutes just standing in the middle of the room as one by one my roommates leave and I am the only one left. But, no, that doesn’t bother me! I am way too cool to be worried by something like that. I still take my time and when I finally get ready, I lock the room. As I go down the stairs, I discover that I am wearing Bathroom slippers (cool, right?)….No worries, I’ll just go back up and change. Open lock, get nice shoes, and lock again, there! That only took me 10 minutes!  I make my way to the lecture theatre AGAIN, taking my time to appreciate the beauties of nature: the sun, the trees, the pigeons. It’s a perfect morning!

I heave a sigh of relief as I see the open doors. Now, I start walking fast but just as I am about to enter, I get the door slammed right on my beautiful face. 

Well, first of all, that hurt! Ouch!  Secondly, that is not fair!

In that moment, all my struggle from getting up to walking this far flashes before my eyes. And that is when I feel like banging my head against the door and screaming like crazy. But, I can’t vent my anger like that, the teacher will come out and probably kill me. (can’t risk dying this young) 

For the next lecture, I make sure I am the first one to reach the lecture theater. I occupy the best pankhay_wali_seat. And when someone asks, “Can I sit next to you?’ I say, “Nope”. 

“This is taken”. And THAT is my revenge, Destiny, You think you can slam doors on my face and I won’t do anything about it? 

this is what I CAN DO!!

As the lecture starts, I make sure I listen to each and every word very carefully. I make notes, draw diagrams, and nod in agreement to everything the Teacher utters. I do everything right! 

And Woopie, it’s time for attendance. I wait patiently for my roll no and when it is called, I raise my hand straight up and perfectly pronounce, “Present”.

There, Mission successful.

So, you can imagine my feelings when I hear the words, “Girls, since you like to talk so much, all of you will be marked ABSENT.”

And I am like: 

I cannot describe the pain I feel in that moment. I feel like I can’t breathe and someone has literally stabbed me in my heart. I woke up, labored all day! For this?

That must be my karma for not letting that nice girl sit next to me in this heat. Well, Karma or not, that is when I say, “Good day, Sir, I am outta here” 

“And I am never coming back, if you need me, I will be in my room, sleeping. At least sleeping has its rewards in the form of flawless skin and live_till_you_are_90_health and not to mention the rainbows.”

After that emotional speech, you would expect to never see me in university again but TADA! I am back after my 1 day “REST”. But now, as I try to estimate my attendance; tears come to my eyes. 

My attendance is so poor that any effort that I make at this point would be so “Pointless”.

Fixing my attendance like:

the irreparable damage :'(

 I have a 5 minute surge (only 5 minutes, not a second longer), and I make no effort to shake off my title “Mother of all things lazy”.

The point is, I am surely not going to change. I am just stubborn like that. The more you put restrictions on me, the more I will be forced to rebel. If they think that closing the door will make me punctual then they are wrong. I will just stop trying to get in the first lecture. :D

My laziness triumphs all!

P.S:“I hope to see you all in the repeaters, if not all; at least some of you can come?”